Today I'm thankful for veterans.

Get your hankies out and watch this clip. YOu'll be thankful too

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kpohfny7jWg&feature=player_embedded

Happy Veteran's Day

 Do you wear socks and flipflops together?

I'm such an idiot sometimes.

I am watching an episode of Snapped, and the narrator said, "Investigators suspected he may have been targeted because of his job at NORAD," and my first thought was why would anyone want to kill a guy who tracks Santa?

I don't know why I tell on myself for these things.

Given the publicity that surrounded the DC sniper killings in 2002, it was with little fanfare that John Allen Muhammad was executed last night.

I know what many Americans think of it, and how accustomed we are to the death penalty, whether or not we support it individually. We take for granted that some crimes are so heinous that the death penalty will be the punishment, and people often react with shock when someone particularly brutal gets life in prison instead.

Sometimes I like to read articles about American news in the British press, just to read how they see us. It often isn't as snarky as I would have expected. Many, many Britons loathe their health care system and their welfare management. It's not what we hear about here, but it's apparently quite prevalent. (No, I don't just read Daily Mail, although it's my favorite.)

So I went over there and read the comments on Muhammad's execution, knowing that most other countries have abandoned capital punishment and are officially horrified by our practice of it. It's interesting to me that the official position is often less popular than the alternatives. There are so many comments in support of capital punishment, and mentions of how if he were British he'd be out in a few years with a new identity. It's just interesting.

Dear You,

I'm worried I'll lose my feelings over you in time.

I don't really know.

I'm so confused.

But I do like you now.

I secretly want to go with prom with you.

No one else.

So chances are, since I doubt you'll ask me, I'll not go.

I'd rather go with you than anyone else anyways.

But thats a long ways off. 

And if things go the way I want, I'll get to be in your spanish hour.

And that would make me very, very happy.

I hope I can see you tomorrow.

~D

i'm trying to use up all the ingredients in my freezer and cupboard. can i prepare pearl barley and dried lentils in the crock? thanks!

So, I threw all my usual chili ingredients in the crock this morning before showering. Turned it on low (10 hours) and gave it a little taste after about an hour, right before I left for work. Umm.. HOT! Guess I was a little too heavy on the cayenne/chili powder/crushed red pepper... I like it pretty dang spicy, but this had LOTS of kick to it already, and I know it's only going to get spicier while cooking all day. And I've got company to eat this tonight! They're like me--they enjoy the heat--but I'm thinking this is going to be close to nuclear by the time it's ready. I'd really rather not kill my company with this stuff.

Any suggestions on how to tone down the heat a bit? I've heard adding sugar helps, but I'm so afraid I'll add too much and it'll be gross. Anyone? Anyone?

Dear you,

The truth beneath my cutting dear is because its something that makes me feel safe and okay, its something that no one can take away and it can't walk away. i've invested myself in this behavior since you left. seeing blood pour out of my arm makes me happy. my razor blade has been my best friend. its been there when you haven't and its stopped the pain of missing you a dozen times and i know it will stop it a dozen more. i may be holding the razor blade, but you for one am doing this to me. i hope your proud of yourself, i hope your sickly proud. it was something i could never afflict on you, that sense of proud. but i guess im still achieving it in a way. you got what you wanted, you don't have to deal anymore but i guess your sympathy never kicked in, i'm still quickly dying... but i guess the joke was on me for thinking anything was enough. for thinking you ever cared. for being oh so unreasonable. im bitter, but i'm more upset and dissipointed. i thought you were better than that. you may want respect but nothings lead you to be deserving of it, and you deserve every pound of guilt possible in this universe... but you wont gain a ounce, because sadly you don't believe you've done anything wrong. i guess thats what you've gotta say to yourself, to make it to tomorrow. i wish i could hate you, im angry but only because i don't want to drop that because the more angry i am, the less it hurts. you lied, i just wish you never did so. than i wouldn't feel so crappy without you, because i would of never had anything to believe. you knew i needed you, but you still had that ability to just forget me. you looked right at me, right in my eyes and still found the ability to fore hide my pain and struggles and tell me lies, grasp my hopes and belief when you had no intention at all to stick to the honesty. your despicable for doing such a thing. i hope you think about me everyday and feel uneasy. i wish i could find it in me to hurt you, like you did to me. you know im capable, you've always knew. i guess that risk meant nothing. so much for ' i wouldn't be able to sleep at night if anything ever happened to you' i spit on your pathetic truth less words. you never had belief in me. you never cared. i was just another priority file that got thrown on your plate. if you really cared, you wouldn't continue on with what you knew to come true, you would of done the best for me. and than, only than would you have the ability to say you helped me, not now. not with this. not this way. you did more damage to me than any in my life, and that tops alot. but i guess the fact that i care even after all this is meaning less. i mean, you throw down my words and feelings like they are nothing. how i could love such an ignorant, selfish heart, i don't know. i guess you fooled me with your act. and i would really love to gain to the least an apology out of this but since i know thats never going to happen, and your never going to take responsibility for your actions, i'll apologize to myself, for ever thinking and believing that someone like me could be loved by someone like you and to the fact that your selfish act, messed up anything i had left. i loved you, i still do. how does that mean nothing? how cold are you? how do you tell me you care and promise it, be so sure of yourself and do such thing? its despicable truly. and than put it on me. say its best for me, and that i'm imagining shit? honestly, your a joke.

i still long to hate you,
i still long to forget you,
i still long to feel sorry for you, and stop feeling sorry for myself,
i still long to stop self blaming, and regretting
but i'm stuck at missing you and continuing to love you so for now,

LOTS of LOVE me

dear you,

i still love you more than anything in this world, and i know a part of you still loves me, too. at least i hope so.
i know i put you some rough times, but i'm willing to make it up. we've been through so much together, than i don't know why you're giving up on me now.
remember the good times we had, and let that keep you alive in this...it's what always keeps me going when i'm hurt.
three years, baby.
three years.
and it's almost thanksgiving. almost christmas, for that matter.
this time last year, we were so in love. but i had my fuck ups. are they really worth losing all this?

i love you. and i can't change that about myself, and i can't change anything about you that would make me hate you. cause i can't. and alksdf.

i don't want to lose you...i don't know what i'd do with myself..
fuck, just thinking about it hurts.

i've always loved you, and i always will,
k

So, after Big Ez's nightmare the other night, Monster helpfully suggested that he was "all bloody because a vampire attacked."

Yeah, thanks, Anya. Now he's scared of vampires. And sleeping.

This morning, we had about 15 minutes before we were leaving, and he walked over and turned on the TV. I saw it was PBS and let him watch it since my friend Michael called just then. Thus, I barely noticed that he was watching Caillou. I can't stand Caillou under the best of circumstances, but figured we were just about to leave anyway.

Caillou, the little bald bastard, was afraid of the monsters in his room, and pitched a fit because he didn't want to be in the scary dark all by himself. I did not realize this until I got off the phone and saw that Big Ez was standing six inches from the TV, transfixed, and he told me, "See, Caillou have vampires in his room too."

Thanks a lot, Caillou.

I bought some gorgeous yarn from Elann for a project I need to get done by Christmas. It was listed as sport weight. If this is sport weight, dental floss is worsted. It's sport weight with two strands held together, so I have to order my order again to have enough.

Thanks, Elann, for not knowing how to categorize yarn.

I saw a wreck and called 911, and was on hold for three full minutes. I could have been ax murdered in three minutes.

Thanks, City of Atlanta and Shirley for being so efficient and for reminding me not to have an emergency wherein time is of the essence. Furthermore, thank the sanitation department for me, as they emptied the trash bin this morning and left the lid open in the rain. Have a bucket of water, Sanitation Department.

I got a World Market coupon for $20. Thanks, World Market!

Thank you, Oprah, for satisfying my ghoulish curiosity and interviewing the woman who got her face ripped off by a chimpanzee. I have you on the DVR, and I haven't watched you in decades.

Thank you, Baby Gap, for selling PLAIN RED BUTTON-DOWN FLANNEL JAMMIES FOR KIDS, which are apparently the Holy Grail of kids' jammies, as they are elusive. And another thing--why are kids' Christmas jammies $40 a pair? (Yes, I know they're cheaper at Target, but I have a vision and it doesn't include sock monkey Santas.) Seriously, I defy you to find plain flannel button-down jammies, particularly for less than $40. Baby Gap doesn't count because I just told you they were there.

Thank you, toy manufacturers, for giving my son toys that let him think and build and experiment--and offering my daughter things that will make her look pretty. P noticed this on kids' meal boxes, where the boy's side had cool stuff and facts about stars and the girl side had pink horses talking about how they like to talk on the phone. P is distressed. Having grown up with such things, I am only distressed that some things don't change. On the other hand, there is a Joan Jett Barbie now, so I feel a little better.

Thank you, Coach Todd, for opening the gym for Mighty Mites today even though it was technically closed for Veterans' Day, so I did not have to leave Ezra on a leash, staked to the ground out in the yard, in order to keep from putting him in a box and taping the lid shut. Cabin fever, much?

And thank you Target, for having black boots just like mine for Anya, who is now cheerfully booted.

Dear college,

You officially suck. You have marked me absent for lessons I am not even timetabled for. Why? Is it that hard to get the timetables right in the first place instead of sending back the college ID cards because they were not the right shade of red? Or spending over £2 million on making the college look pretty instead of using it for our education?! I need to get this sorted out by the end of tomorrow otherwise you are stealing away my EMA money, which would be very useful right now.

You know what? I'm so fucking glad I am leaving.

- An unhappy student.

... That 50 to 1 had accepted my story "Slight" for publication.
Good thing I checked, it's been published for a month already!

Silly me...

Got some canon equipment for sale in Los Angeles if anyone is interested. Recently switched to Nikon, most of my equipment has already been sold, but here is what I do have left.

Canon 1D Mark 3 - $2100
Canon 17-40 f/4L(very sharp) - $550
Canon 50 f/1.4 - $325
Canon 580EXII - $325
Canon OC-E3 offshoe cord - $55
Gary Fong Cloud Lightsphere size 2(580EXII) - $30

Cheers and happy shooting!

For those vets out there who don't know what to say today, let's see your old boot photos and pass this one around. Can't be more embarrasing than mine...



I wasn't much of a sailor, but I did serve my country for years. Cheers to those of who gave our time, our service and in so many cases their lives for our country.

it's a cool drizzly day out. i'm a bit put out that there's a chance of rain because i planned on jogging, but perhaps it's better to stay indoors and crochet.

i know i keep talking about the crocheting i'm doing and not showing anything. the perfectionist says i shouldn't show anything until it's all done and i'm ready. but the instant-gratification says i should just throw things out during the process and get feedback, etc... so i'll compromise and state what i'm making.

i'm expanding on the pansy chain necklace idea to include bracelets and rings. the necklace has 42 pansies on it, whereas the bracelets only have 8 and the rings have one. there will be a variety of colors including purple, pink, blue and green as well as the neutral. i'm also working on making a purse/clutch out of fine mercerized cotton with a fabric lining. fabric either from old clothes being repurposed or some scraps of stuff i find at craft stores/thrift stores, etc.... and i've got 2 lace scarves in the works. the scarves are keeping me busy for the most part because i'm using the fine bamboo thread and 1.5 mm crochet hook. the jewelry is done in 1.75 mm, but because they aren't so big, they work out much faster. the bamboo thread only comes in white or neutral colors and i'm making a scarf in each one.

so far i 'm delighted by the little pansy rings. they are adorable and fun to wear. i've also got a leaf chain necklace idea, but not certain how well it'll look. also i'm thinking of making a multicolored flower necklace. different flower motifs on a chain, which will be a bit of work changing out the colors, but i think it'll look nice when finished. i'm also throwing around the idea of making blankets and cushion/pillow covers. i've written it all down in my notebook and there are so many ideas expounded on and brainstormed, and even crossed out. last night i had the strange (maybe?) idea of making all sorts of crochet motifs and then framing them as pictures. or even making a garland because garlands seem to be all the rage now.

btw, breakfast was french toast with almond butter and maple syrup.

At the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, the whole world stood at peace.

I am deeply grateful for the sacrifices all servicemen and women have made for me and my fellow patriots, and I still hope for peace.

got a little interesting with breakfast today. i thought about this last night and decided it sounded good. i was happy with it. french toast with almond butter AND maple syrup.